i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
