it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
