They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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