so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
