And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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