I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
