this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
