I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
