oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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