Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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