thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
