im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
