i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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