Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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