That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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