I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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