i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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