I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
