I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just had sex on a roof
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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