Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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