Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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