what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
