I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
