Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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