I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
