Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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