i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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