the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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