Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
