somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
