I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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