We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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