She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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