Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
