Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
