I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
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I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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