I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
