haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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