HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
