just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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