I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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