If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
