and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
