Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
being pregnant is like rehab
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
