It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
