never play flip cup with pint glasses
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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