I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
