There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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