I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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