everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
