he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
