I just saw a hot homeless man
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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