Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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