Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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