There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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