I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
