I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
