Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
