i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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