you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am available for nakedness
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
