I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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