It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
