the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
NoShamevember. You game?
This is my gift to your gina
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
